If given the chance someday...

I would bake you cookies 2-3 times a week or whatever you want, really.. I would hug you so tightly, especially when your tears soak my shirt. I would burrow myself into your chest knowing no greater feeling. I would lace my fingers so delicately in yours and always be careful not to hurt you. I would kiss the top of your head when I leave and make sure you were tucked quietly and comfortably in. I would pick you flowers even if you didn't want them, just to prove how happy you make me...I would give you back massages every day even if I never got one in return. I would always remember your favorite little things and make them present often. I would make us picnics for the park--the fanciest set-up you'd ever see!

I want to wear my prettiest dress for you.

I want to bring my sisters home and hug them tightly for a week straight. I want to pick up my nephew and swing him around followed by falling onto the grass and rolling around til we are sick... I want to hear his questions and feel proud at my ability to answer them.

I want to be able to spend time with my brother-in-law and receive his bear like hugs that make you feel happier than people would believe was humanly possible.

I want to go down a line of my friends and tell them what they mean to me and hug them in such a way that sums up just how much I love I have for them.

I want to thank the people in my life for being here for me even when I've been unstable. I'm on the road to something good.. I just might take a little longer than most. I might cry a little more than usual as I knock down these road blocks with as much force as I can muster.

I am taking time out to breathe every day.. from now on. I have to.

Fuck my heart and the fact that every day is becomes harder and harder to feel actual happiness. I feel like I've lost control completely.

"I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began it's downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
-I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' - he said
"It's all in your head,' and I said, "So's everything' -
But he didn't get it - I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love"
-Fiona Apple

Just going to be listening to this on repeat forever...as I have been for years.