I wish I could be more detached from people. I am almost infatuated with them.. I always feel undeserving of the love they give back.

I'm really bored. Honestly. Across the board.

Sometimes I forget how enamored I am with folk music. But, when I'm reminded again, boy does it reach every little part of my body.

I find it so incredibly refreshing to be able to go as I please without question anymore... I almost don't know how to take it. I was so conditioned to the fighting and lack of trust that this line of peace has overwhelmed me entirely.

PS As much as I thought I wanted to see you again, or at least how the back of my mind saw it, I realized it only made things worse. Your presence has become frightening to me because of where I was when I was with you. I was not ME, I was not being true to myself and it scares the shit out of me that I shared the non-me only with you. Is it horrible that now I'd rather never see you again? I'm sorry. I hope you can figure your life out someday.. I still can't help but care that you will see your inner beauty someday. You're so completely lost from the world and you're so content. I think that's the most frightening aspect to me. Let me stop caring for once. I can't care about you.

I have revamped my lifestyle in almost every aspect over the past year and sometimes I wonder how I'm able to tolerate certain things. Sometimes it feels sooo refreshing to take the bumpier route and fall in the dirt and get there an hour late.

I see my mom in me more and more with every day. I don't know if it's because we spend a lot of time together or whether it's inborn...but I don't really mind anymore. I wish I could retain the knowledge that she has over time about the flowers, the plants and the birds. I wish I could have nothing my cupboard and make something over the top gourmet and fabulous like she does. A year ago she and I were fighting to keep our relationship somewhat stable and now we hardly hit a roadblock. I do worry for her, however. I hope I can at least get through college..that's all. I already told her I can't save the world and don't see myself doing anything overly significant for the environment. But, I just want to be content. I know how broken hearted she is some days for not finishing school and I hope I can make her happy.

I am going to run my life at a pace that I can handle. It drives me nuts how so many people set them up for stressville 4 years in a row. I can't do it. I know that !!! ! So if I only take 13-14 credit hours each semester til I graduate..well, honestly I don't care. I know Grandpa Sigler does, but he also thinks I should be a Nurse or a straight up Geologist so I can drill for oil til I die. Puhhhh ahaha

I'm overflowing with potassium and antioxidants !