I keep thinking "I want the old 'me' back"...but the more I think about it, I don't even know who that is. Was there ever a 'me' that was really that happy? I don't know. I feel like this battle is never-ending. I want to rip whatever it is out of me. It's not fair. I want to wake up confident and assured that every day is worth it. It's affecting my school work more than ever and that's what breaks my heart the most.

I randomly get spurts that remind me what I love and what brings me joy, only soon after to forget it.

I've never questioned the phrase "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" so much before... I've been trying to be good and love and care my whole life. It has backfired way more than gone well. I've scared away every single guy by doing nice things. Why does this have to keep happening? I know, whatever, I'm in the wrong place... but I'm stuck here for another 2-2.5 years.. I would like something to go sorta right.

My heart is too big to handle and I wish it had never gotten this way. Am I doing this all wrong?

It's scary calling out for help and not getting an answer. It's finally something I can admit I am not capable of fixing on my own. But, I still shudder at the idea of talking to a stranger.

I want happiness to be a more common thing to feel.

I feel like a wounded puppy or a little girl crying around an oblivious crowd.