I love my world. I love when I can close my eyes in Kent, Ohio, sitting atop my bicycle and feel a breeze and suddenly! BAM! I'm in Bar Harbor, Maine...watching the boats at the docks.

Did you know all of the emotions I have been feeling in the past few months/year/few years are normal? It's OK to wake up some days and not have a clue where to take myself.

But, what really keeps me going is having 2 best friends who don't give up on me whatever the weather(no pun intended) and a family who knows I'm going to make it out there somewhere.

What a truly beautiful new feeling to wake up and appreciate such strange little quirks I have and to really accept how great flaws are.

My first week has finally come to an end and I came out feeling fantastic minus some back pains which aren't toootally related to this week anyhow. I feel so exuberant with the prospect of meeting so many interesting folk so soon...or maybe not soon? I don't mind, you can take your time. :-)

This week has been a whirlwind of excitement, anticipation, and even sadness.

Is it possible to feel so incredibly connected and yet so disconnected to thousands of people crossing your paths all at one particular location?

We are all feeling so much exhilaration for what lies ahead. It is wonderful to think of all of the opportunities to cross paths with people from all walks of life. My world has definitely expanded a great sum in such a short period of time. I feel I have also changed a whole lot in the past few days.

I feel a strange new sense of confidence in every place I go. It is not an ego, but rather a carefree feeling and zero worries of how I appear to the rest of the world.

Nothing has hurt me more in the past week than being hit with the realization that Kent State, in fact, does not carry my major or even carry specifically Meteorology as a minor. As I discovered this, I couldn't help but begin to cry. I thought it was right at my fingertips and now it has vanished, or rather, shrunken to this one course only delivering me "The Fundamentals of Meteorology".

Everyone can constantly question whether I'm really cut out for it, but it won't stop me. My passion grows and grows with each passing day and I become more and more desperate for any slight mentioning or relation to the atmosphere.

I've begun reading up on the clouds and teaching myself things as my schedule allows it because I've no idea where else to begin.

My friends are surrounded with people on campus sharing the same major, or other majors which are quite similar. And I, I have no one, so it seems. (At least at Kent State..)

Why are so few people interested in the mystery of our day to day highs and lows, the way our clouds can tell us what is to come or how no matter how hard we try we won't be able to know for sure just how powerful the next tropical storm or hurricane will be?

The closest thing I have is my World Geography class and my 7 Ideas course(Physics)...The world is such a wonderfully beautiful place and no one is nearly excited about discovering the incredible sights and sounds outside doors.

Have you ever seen Mammatus clouds? Well, they're one of the most gorgeous sights. How about a corona?-or the breathtaking Aurora Borealis rays?





I want to see it all and study it all and take it all in...

But..I can't right now...and it sucks.

Maybe I'll give Mark Johnson a call about his storm chasing course through News Channel 5... :-)

"buuuttt iii ddooooon't waaaant toooo!!"

Suck it up soldier.

No more dependency.

Whatever is about to smack me in the face or light my world--awwwesssomee!!

"when they ask me what i've seen i'll say saturn and soliloquies
walden pond, hypocrisy, tetris, and insanity
debt and dope and apathy, ode to joy and pool parties
smooch and run and ancestry, arthur ashe and manatees
sailboats, necessity, lepidopterology
the cave of time, dignity, cirque du soleil and lethargy
surface area, rosaries, fair is fair and billie jean
vonnegut at the university, karmic retribution and bigotry
thyroglossal duct cysts, celibacy, love on the rocks, anonymity
osgood schlatter in my left knee, sad flute solos and decaf tea
silly friends, incontinency, yertle the turtle and hierarchy
do it for johnny, pepsilepsy, powder blue ten speeds and puberty
sylvia plath, conspiracies, bad medicine, karaoke
passing gas, irrelevancy, seize the day and let it be
loving dumb skaters who love pcp, dying and dancing on mtv
close calls and infinity, little kids who look up to me
it's the end of the world as we know it and we didn't start the fire and adam green
i need more time to think, don't you think?"

"All of a sudden I miss everyone.."

Here was my world...right at my fingertips...just waiting for me to grab on and LIVE. What took me so long to decide to live??

I feel my heart racing and eyes welling up with tears because I am so loved. I am so fucking blessed. My whole life I have been struggling with friendships because people could never handle my wishy washy personality/my overly passive attitude...I constantly got trampled all over and didn't speak up once.

This time they're not giving up on me. I'm not giving up on them either. I don't see myself ever feeling that way.

I always like to think of my life as a jigsaw puzzle...because, damn it, I love puzzles but jigsaw puzzles are so crazy. I did this butterfly jigsaw puzzle one time and some of the pieces were shaped like seahorses and umbrellas. What a beautiful bunch of seahorses, umbrellas, and other creatures surround me.

I don't even know if I deserve what I'm getting right now. I haven't felt so elated in years. I guess I have taken a turn for the better.

Blaghhh I cannot even put into words how I am feeling and I don't even have a visual for you. My love is stretching across every sea and continent and around for days on end.

Finally. :-)

"Dear brothers and sisters
dear enemies and friends

Why are we all so alone here
All we need is a little more hope, a little more joy
All we need is a little more light, a little less weight, a little more freedom.
If we were an army, and if we believed that we were an army
And we believed that everyone was scared like little lost children in their grown up clothes and poses
So we ended up alone here floating through long wasted days, or great tribulations.
While everything felt wrong
Good words, strong words, words that could've moved mountains
Words that no one ever said
We were all waiting to hear those words and no one ever said them
And the tactics never hatched
And the plans were never mapped
And we all learned not to believe
And strange lonesome monsters loafed through the hills wondering why
And it is best to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wonder why
So tangle - oh tangle us up in bright red ribbons!
Let's have a parade
It's been so long since we had a parade, so let's have a parade!
Let's invite all our friends
And all our friends' friends!
Let's promenade down the boulevards with terrific pride and light in our eyes
Twelve feet tall and staggering
Sick with joy with the angels there and light in our eyes
Brothers and sisters, hope still waits in the wings like a bitter spinster
Impatient, lonely and shivering, waiting to build her glorious fires
It's because of our plans man; our beautiful ridiculous plans
Let's launch them like careening jetplanes
Let's crash all our planes in the river
Let's build strange and radiant machines at this jericho waiting to fall"

Love love love love love love.