And so it begins...

With each new day, I have an even firmer belief that everything happens for a reason.

It is absolutely ideal timing that we would be reading a book such as 'The Awakening' right now or that I just finished 'The Solitaire Mystery'...I feel as if I'm having a a sort of "awakening" myself at this point in my life.

Having Noah home right now is opening my eyes to see the world through such a new light. The little things he says, I feel as if I was most assuredly meant to hear these words. When I walk in the door, he is always excited to see me. That little face running at full speed just to give me a great big hug and grab my hand to play. It breaks my heart that in this time that he is home, I have so many obligations that keep me away from him so constantly. I hate it.

My feelings on homecoming are so incredibly mixed. I want so badly to tell everyone it was great, because I feel like I talked it up to myself. It wasn't what I wanted it to be. Nothing incredible at all. Watching all of these couples and the PDA...ehh...I could have done without it. I am so incredibly frustrated with this high school. I need to find some place, some area, where I feel like there is someone waiting for me. My friends tell me they know I will marry someone extremely unique and unlike anyone would ever know....

I wish I could see that. I wish he'd show up sooner than later. Yeah, it would be nice. Granted, I love not having to worry about a relationship, but there's something missing from my minor years. I will be 18 years old in less than 3 weeks and I haven't even been kissed. Yeah Yeah...not a huge priority.

The reason I started this blog is to get away from xanga. I feel so strongly that I don't have as much of a creative expression because of certain people viewing it...terrible I know. I shouldn't care what anyone thinks.

But, speakings of things, lately I have been driving myself crazy within upset over having certain guys in front of me, with many of the qualities I am looking for-but my knowing that they have no interest. I feel so incredibly stupid. I don't even remember what "signs" to look for. It's hard when you find so much in common with someone, or just in general someone who gets you and doesn't tease you about the things you like to do or eat...well, I guess I should just be content.

Overall, this blog is the real deal. This is me, you don't have to read it for heaven's sake....