So much has been left empty since summer began. Try as I might, nothing helps. Almost every night I work hard to try to find something to fill that hollow space. Why is everything so ready to evaporate just as it has said "hello"?

My time with the little one wasn't long enough.. as usual. I cannot seem to accept his growing older. I have watched a part of me grow and change so much through experiences with him. In the beginning, I never saw myself capable of being a decent mother to any child. Now, I am frustrated because he feels more like a sibling and not like a nephew. Why couldn't I handle things this year?

Lately I've been wondering if it's really worth forcing things to work rather than just letting them boil boil boil EXPLODE. Such a constant vast amount of change.

I can try and try to change my lifestyle, but when other things intrude and add onto the rest.. I get distracted. Everything just keeps getting put off.

Even if I am having fun for a second, the second is rudely interrupted by yet another dollop of frustration.

Stop fantasizing about it.. it won't happen.

I am really really angry. That's how I feel. Okay?