I am normally quite proud in saying that I can get over people fast. I am very good at moving on and starting new chapters, ignoring past ones.

This time it was different. When you share parts of yourself that had never been unlocked and revealed, it's different. I suppose now is better than later. But, it still hurts. It's an underlying feeling all day. It seeps into the night too. It lingers over all that I do. I sit back, look at my life, and I'm questioning if it was the right decision. I should have known better at the time. I want you to get over here and give that back to me. It's mine. You're running around with parts of me that I know you'll never be able to return. It's not your fault.. is it? Is it mine? I think so.

I want to detach and remove, but it's like tacky glue. I remove one part and I find another is tugging. Stop it! I want to erase it all. But, I know that's not the right thing to do. You're doing the right thing now, distancing yourself. I know you're doing it to help me. I wish I had your help, ironically enough.

I can't move forward, my feet are sticking. I've got to, though! There is so much to do. There is so much out there waiting for me to see.

I've been letting Yann Tiersen lead the way for me in the past week. It's a slow process, I feel.

It scares me how lightly people take so many things in life. The things we try, do and remove from ourselves.. the way we abuse ourselves. We separate from reality as often as possible because we're scared. By doing this, reality becomes increasingly frightening. Our interactions with others become harder and appreciation for things like 65 degree days in february or march are not there as much as they used to be. Our passion for what we once loved is hard to uncover beneath all of the guilt and frustration. The top layer, and maybe the few other layers beneath are all looking quite disastrous. Where did we go? What keeps us going is unconditional love. It exists, you know. The forgiving people in our lives keep us alive.